girl friend

i am horrible when it comes to girl friends.

my first "best friend" was a classmate in elementary school. we talked, hung out, and did all the things little girls do.

then i moved to new york

then i met a girl who was really up front about wanting to by my good friend. so we became friends, until i moved away again.

in houston, i had a couple close friends. one moved away, then other.

its hard to stay close when im physically far apart from them. they are not in my life, they dont know what im going through. i dont know what they are going through either. doesnt matter how hard we try to stay connected, inevitably we drift apart.

then i made it to college.

i never had a really close friend in college. though i do have several good friends, its not the same.

the girl friend i want is someone i can feel comfortable to goof around with. do things i like, do things she likes, talk, hang, and just be together. sounds like every other girl on the street, but for some reason such friend is hard to find.

i thought i found one, close to the end of my college years.

just when i thought a new "best friendship" was developing, it was already ending. you didnt trust me enough to tell me what you really thought. i wasnt important enough for you to inform me that you are dating him. i wasnt needed anymore after you had him.

i was so hurt. it felt like you betrayed our friendship. or were we ever friends?

it seems like our friendship was build on a lie. i dont know if i even know you.

i started avoiding you. do you really not know the reason? i havent talked to you at all. yet you are constantly on my mind.

so pathetic.

|| [ 雪子 ] ||