warmth

あなた、私の部屋がいつも寒すぎると言ったんでしょう？実は、私の部屋は寒くないよ。あなたの体温が感じできなくて、どこでも寒いよ。これはいま分かってなった。

|| [ 雪子 ] ||

family

lumi tried to come to me when louis and christie were leaving... it reminded me when i was little, my mom sometimes leaves me at the overnight care of the kindergarten i attended. she would come see me, bring me my clothes, then leave. i would cry and try to run to her, but my teacher would always hold me back.
i held back tears and walked back to my car, then i cried like a baby.
every time i walk away from louis and lumi, i feel like im being separated from my family. it felt so natural having them around, even if we dont do anything. their presence soothes my mind.
i miss you guys already.


|| [ 雪子 ] ||

end of summer

everyone is talking about going back to classes. ive already started work.

but still, it JUST hit me today that my summer has ended. from now on, i have to go to work 8:30-5:30, monday - friday. no more breaks to look forward to. no mwf, tth schedule. no different classes with different people.

just work. everyday.

sigh... how boring. i really want to go back to school like everyone else...

|| [ 雪子 ] ||

what i do.

i survived my first two work days! im really glad that i started on a thrusday, so i dont have to go through an entire week before getting a break; yet im already getting a hang of this job.

what do i do? well,

- i process blood samples as they come in on tuesday-friday. which just means i separate plasma/serum from whole blood and collect DNA from white blood cells

-i process oragene as they come in from time to time. whats oragene? um, its spit sample.

-every week or so i extract DNA from white blood cells

-i will start on some sort of project involving DNA starting next week, but i dont know the details yet

-im pretty much around diseased blood all day long. i am suppose to wear a freaking face shield when im working with whole blood, but that thing is so hideous i dont want to touch it. so i guess any spills and exposures will be entirely my fault, for not following safety guidelines

-i wear gloves pretty much the whole day. everything is so disgusting because people work with gloves, get them dirty with all sorts of stuff, then touch other things, like say, my keyboard/mouse. i have to sanitize my entire desk everyday (dont have to, but i cant stand it) and still wear gloves when i use the computer

-we have "diapers" all over the place. by diapers i mean these pads that look like lumi's pee pad. its to collect moisture from the tubes we are working on, or to dry stuff with.

-my boss mocks me all the time. i guess not in a bad way, but ive only been there for 2 days... too soon boss, too soon. for example, if it takes me a while to get the lid on a case, he would say, "good work" to me as im walking away.

-speaking of my boss, today he was teaching me how to use this piece of SUPER expensive equipment. he told me one of the parts is interchangeable, and told me to try taking it off. i was having a hard time pulling it off and he told me to just pull. i did. but instead of just the part, the whole platform came off O_O he had to hammer it back on to fix it. but after that, he looked at me and said, "looks like you still have a job." OMGWTF i cant tell if hes kidding or not.

-i dont have free parking. the closest garage costs $10/day. im going to try to park at my friend's apartment, which is 10 minutes metro rail away from work.

-other people on the team are all really nice. we all eat lunch together. there are 3 girls including me, all asian, and one hispanic guy (excluding my boss, who is also a hispanic guy). we always make fun of the only guy in the group, calling him "a pile of shit in a field of flowers".

overall i like this job. there are still a lot for me to learn. i just hope i can meet the expectations and um.. keep the job.

|| [ 雪子 ] ||

my promises to you

when you bought the promise rings, we promised to be faithful to each other.


that was over a year ago. we had our rings polished this week, they look shinny and brand new. but, we know they are not new. we know our promises are not new. we know what we have been through this past year.


with renewed rings, here are my new promises to you.


i promise to be more patient, especially when we are apart.


i promise that i will keep a optimistic attitude in this long distance relationship.


i promise to try my best to make it work. 


i promise to take care of our baby kitties to the best of my ability.


i promise to love you with all my heart.


i promise to be faithful.


really cant wait to see you again. i love you so much baby <3


|| [ 雪子 ] ||

rambling

the 2+ hour drive back and forth is getting somewhat annoying. i just want to stay in austin everytime i come back. i want to come here as often as i can, but i also want to start volunteering/resume building in houston

my family wants to keep the cats in houston because they are more independent. i love my cats, but i love lumi too. im so torn, cant decide which ones to keep. everytime i came to austin, lumi looks at me with those puppy eyes... its so hard for me to leave him.

my room in houston is a mess even tho i already unpacked everything. i have no idea where i want to put my bed.

i realized a couple days ago that the cats booster vaccines were due almost a year ago.

in 4 years of my college career as biology major, i never owned or wore a lab coat. i will be wearing one for work and that makes me extremely happy for some reason. i guess i feel... important? in my white lab coat. haha how silly.

does japanese curry taste good without carrots? i dislike carrots. i pick them out when im eating curry, like right now. 

|| [ 雪子 ] ||

agave

my old roommate moved to his friends house. the neighborhood is called "agave". 

driving into the neighborhood literally stunned everyone in the car. the houses are... unique, to say the least. i have never seen so many modern homes in one place. the colors, structures, layouts, everything about this place is so different from everywhere else.

we saw completely a turquoise colored house, a half poopie brown/half teal house, a house that looks like half of a house, and so many others. no two houses are the same. 

too bad when we drove a little further, we arrived at an area with more conventional homes. i thought i was going to see the inside of one of those crazy houses, but i guess not...

this neighborhood is so unique and cute. i really really love it! i were to buy a house in the austin area, this would totally be it.

あなた、一緒に家を買おう♡

|| [ 雪子 ] ||

memories left behind

the rooms are completely empty. carpet has been vacuumed, counters cleaned, lights off.

so many things happened in this place in the past 12 months. but now that its empty, this place seems somewhat strange and foreign to me. i still feel attached to the place, but without people, this apartment holds no meaning.

bye bye apartment. i will keep the memories in my heart.|| [ 雪子 ] ||

hey, you.

yeah, you.

i feel the need to explain some things to you. but i dont know how to say it in person, so i will put it here. you have access to my blog, i dont know if you check it or not, but maybe you will see it.

i heard from mutual friends that when i stopped talking to you, you were very stressed. im sorry if that is true. i dont want to cause stress in your life, but at the time, i didnt know how to deal with the situation.

when you started dating him, i was honestly in shock. i thought you were uncomfortable with him. i thought you didnt want to date anymore. i thought you told me you wouldnt. (well, he told me that he wouldnt date you either, no offense but i dont really care about what he says) i really felt like you betrayed me, that you only told me what you think i wanted to hear. i dont expect you to tell me everything, but i felt that you actually lied to me. that thought really hurt me a lot.

i didnt confront you about my feelings. i couldnt. many people asked me, why dont you just talk to her? why do you have to make it awkward? why dont you two work it out? hm... well, the truth is, i didnt feel good seeing the two of you together. i felt that hes way below you, that you can do so much better, that hes a douche for going after you when you were most vulnerable and he didnt deserve you. it literally made me sick when i see the two of you together. i tried not to get it bother me, but i just couldnt help it. my heart sinks when i see you with him, reminding me that feeling of betrayal.

how could i have possible told you any of this? i couldnt. i wanted you to be happy, and apparently your happiness was with him. i wanted to respect your decision to be with him, i just could stand to be around the two of you. i didnt want you to know what i was thinking because, when it comes down to it, this whole thing is my personal issue. you have the right to do whatever makes you happy, i am the one who has an issue with it. so, i decided to just stay away.

i am sorry that you were so left out during spring break. i heard that you were offended by some of the stuff i said, but i didnt mean to say anything offensive. that one night when you came out of the room, asking if i said "fuck pedersen", i really dont remember saying it. other people later told me i said that when we were deciding what to do when you guys were gone, but it wasnt meant to be offensive. we didnt know when you guys were coming back, and what i meant was to leave you guys alone. im sorry if i offended you or him in anyway.

when i found out peep died, i was really worried about you. i guess thats why i started talking to you more and more. then you told me you and him broke up. i remember how sad you were when jay broke up with you... i didnt want you to go through that again by yourself. but after the late night conversations about nothing and about everything, i realized just how much i miss talking to you.

right now, im really happy that you have a new found passion. but please dont let your passion for love die. when you find the right person, you will know. i've told you this before, but love is about the little things. when you are truly in love, every little thing can be fun. just being able to wake up and see his face laying next to yours will be a bliss. you dont have to actively look for him either. the right person will only come when the time is right.

i hope our friendship has gotten stronger after overcoming that rough spot. i hope we can get to know each other even better. i wish we can extend our friendship for years to come. i wish you all the best

|| [ 雪子 ] ||

distance

its not working.

i havent even officially moved out yet, but its not working. if it continues like this, well, i cant continue like this.

maybe im spoiled. we've been inseparable for so long. ive always been there since the beginning of our relationship. im so used to knowing where he is and what hes doing. now the distance. its killing me.

not that i dont trust him. i do, i really do. but the lack of communication frustrates me so, so much. why is it so hard to send me a text to tell me that hes going to check out a car, or hes borrowing a friends car to go to work instead of staying at home, or hes picking up a bookshelf then have dinner with his friend... i keep him updated on what im doing, why cant he update me when he replies? i dont mean to sound like a controlling little bitch watching his every move, i just really, really wish that im more updated on his everyday activities. i.. I DONT KNOW! gosh im losing my mind... its so hard to put it down in words. i just want to be part of his daily life still, i dont want to be apart from him. why cant he understand that? why is it that i find out what hes doing through joanne? why is it that james keeps her updated but he cant send me just a simple message? does he just not care enough that im not there? why??

tonight, i tried to chat with him on aim. we couldnt even carry one complete conversation. yes, granted he had a headache, it didnt keep him from "looking at loans, and just a lot of stuff in general", but why is it so hard to keep up a conversation with me? i asked him to look at a video. he said he will, but i dont know if he did or not because he never got back to me. after a good while of dead silence, he started to complain about his headache again. but when i asked him how exactly he "fucked himself up" and got a heatstroke, he ever completes his story. i told him to drink juice or sports drinks, he told me he will do that and "brb". but he never told me when he came back. then theres this, and that. whatever, just go.

im not a controlling bitch, i just want to talk to you. is that so hard..... why is it so hard..? i am starting 1.5 years of long distance relationship with tears down my cheeks, doubting this will even last a month.

あなたの声が聞きたい。。。

|| [ 雪子 ] ||

Biotrue contact solution

never thought i would be raving about contact solution. but i am.

I just got Biotrue multi-purpose solution by Bausch and Lomb from CVS. it claims that its inspired by the biology of your eyes. (sounds great, but then what are all the other solutions inspired by..?) also claims to work like your eyes, balances pH, cleans and fights germs.

I love the packaging, its the only solution that doesnt come in a solid white bottle. the bottle is clear, with clear liquid. makes it look so clean and refreshing. and omg, i cant believe how good it makes my eyes feel! well, i guess i did just switch from cheap CVS brand, but STILL! i thought i needed new contacts before i used this, but now i think i can stick to these contacts for just a little longer :)

Overall i am super happy with this solution. it is more expensive than Alcon Opti-free and ReNu. 10oz for $9.99. but its totally worth it imo :)


|| [ 雪子 ] ||

pets

i have heard stories of my friends' pets passing away. i have never experienced losing a pet since i was too young to understand.

when i was 7 or 8, my mom's pet turtles passed away. we lived on 2nd floor of a condo, so we kept the turtles in the balcony. the blacony has a wall about 4 feet tall, completely tiled, with no gaps at all. it is almost impossible for the turtles to climb up the walls. yes, almost impossible.

one morning, we couldnt find one of the turtles. we searched the entire balcony, turned everything upside down, looked behind, above, below, around everything. it was gone. we thought maybe birds or other animals somehow got in and took it away. for safety reasons, we brought the remaining turtle indoors.

the missing turtles showed up the next day in our balcony. wounded all over, scratches on the shell. we have no clue what could've happened to it, how it got away and how it got back. we kept it indoors and tried to tend its wounds. it didnt make it.

the surviving turtle was extremely protective of its friend. it attempted to bite all who tries to touch the dead turtle. it refused to eat or rest. eventually, it passed away too.

i was more amazed than sad at the time. to this day i dont understand what couldve happened.

since then, ive had to give away pets, but never watch any of them die. it is hard for me to even imagine that one day when i open my eyes in the morning, my babies wont be here anymore. ive seen people age, animals age, other people's pets age. makes me really cherish the moments i have with my pets. they are still young, active, and ready to take on adventures.

i love them so much, nori, bell, and lumi. they are my first pets. i dont ever want to lose them.

|| [ 雪子 ] ||