distance

its not working.

i havent even officially moved out yet, but its not working. if it continues like this, well, i cant continue like this.

maybe im spoiled. we've been inseparable for so long. ive always been there since the beginning of our relationship. im so used to knowing where he is and what hes doing. now the distance. its killing me.

not that i dont trust him. i do, i really do. but the lack of communication frustrates me so, so much. why is it so hard to send me a text to tell me that hes going to check out a car, or hes borrowing a friends car to go to work instead of staying at home, or hes picking up a bookshelf then have dinner with his friend... i keep him updated on what im doing, why cant he update me when he replies? i dont mean to sound like a controlling little bitch watching his every move, i just really, really wish that im more updated on his everyday activities. i.. I DONT KNOW! gosh im losing my mind... its so hard to put it down in words. i just want to be part of his daily life still, i dont want to be apart from him. why cant he understand that? why is it that i find out what hes doing through joanne? why is it that james keeps her updated but he cant send me just a simple message? does he just not care enough that im not there? why??

tonight, i tried to chat with him on aim. we couldnt even carry one complete conversation. yes, granted he had a headache, it didnt keep him from "looking at loans, and just a lot of stuff in general", but why is it so hard to keep up a conversation with me? i asked him to look at a video. he said he will, but i dont know if he did or not because he never got back to me. after a good while of dead silence, he started to complain about his headache again. but when i asked him how exactly he "fucked himself up" and got a heatstroke, he ever completes his story. i told him to drink juice or sports drinks, he told me he will do that and "brb". but he never told me when he came back. then theres this, and that. whatever, just go.

im not a controlling bitch, i just want to talk to you. is that so hard..... why is it so hard..? i am starting 1.5 years of long distance relationship with tears down my cheeks, doubting this will even last a month.

あなたの声が聞きたい。。。

|| [ 雪子 ] ||