cliques.

feels like ive been trying to squeeze into a clique that i dont belong to for the past year.

others had said that the crowd i hung out with is "clique-ish". but i didnt think so. i thought we were just close to each other. when someone new wants to hang out with us, i thought we were generally pretty welcoming.

i dont know if i was deceived or the crowd had changed. now ive become the person outside of the glass door, slowly realizing that i am not in the same room as those people. ive been excluded.

how foolish of me. to think that i actually belonged. to think that the difference didnt matter. facing reality, i have no reason to think that i actually have things in common with their clique. furthermore, i have no reason to think that those people are special, are different from other cliques just like them. ive heard stories. stories about crowds just like the one i was in being clique-ish. at that time i thought, well good thing people over here isnt like that. how foolish of me. to think THEY can be different. to think i am the same.

now that i see the transparent glass door clearly, now that i see they dont intend on openning it, its time to quit banging my head on the door and leave. now its time to find others, with whom i will fit in; those who will open that glass door for me.

不是我的终究都不会属于我。

|| [ 雪子 ] ||